if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
