matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
