I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
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