I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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