She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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