I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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