I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
