I got chris browned last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
