she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
