my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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