Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Randomize
