Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will be naked everywhere
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
