K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Randomize
