you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
