Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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