I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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