I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
