You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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