but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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