Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
