turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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