We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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