This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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