I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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