well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
