on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
