I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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