My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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