I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
