I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
