I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm too high and old for this...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
