Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
