I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
