Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
