did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we made out on top of his cat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
