I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
