im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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