so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
