I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
