I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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