fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
