Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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