did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
