i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude i'm inner monologue high
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
