i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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