im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
