God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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