Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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