so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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