let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
