I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
