If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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