He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
