He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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