Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
