Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
