Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
