you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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