She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
