I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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