A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
BRING THE BAGELS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
