This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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