i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
