At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
