so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
