The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
