like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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