yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
