dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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