Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
