Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
