I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
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you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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