Define "chronic" masturbator.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's shark week go big or go home
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
