wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
