508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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