i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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