Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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