dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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