I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
